Sleep watcher

I found my self standing and staring down at her sleeping form.

I did not know how long I had been standing there nor when I had gotten out of bed. She was a deep sleeper so it could have been any given amount of time really. It was now 5 in the morning so I shrugged it away.

The next day while I was down stairs putting together lunch, I heard her scream and ran upstairs to see what was wrong. She seemed nervous but said she assured me it had been a rodent that startled her so I let her know I would make sure the problem was taken care of. She didn't seem very relieved as she left the room. I noticed a picture hanging part way out of a folder by where she had been standing.

There were tons of photos with time stamps of me standing at the bed side staring at her with a blank expression with timestamps that encompassed hours starting at two in the morning. Terrified I ran down stairs and told her to pack her things and that we were leaving. She didn't want to go with me, she didn't know that there was something other than a sleep watcher to worry about.

To this day she sleeps in a seperate room with the door locked. Yesterday I think I heard multiple snapping sounds coming from her room while I was up late... I'm almost releaved that I am not the focal point. I know I should probably be protective, but she is very thurough before she locks up for the night, so whatever is going on is not something any normal being knows.

I found a folder of photos today and I fear what they imply. They are of me, standing in her room from 2pm to 5pm, loading a shotgun.

I left her today for her own good, though I'm sure if anything happens to her they will find a folder full of pictures and I will without a doubt be found to blame.

Recluse

Old tendencies are pulling at my logic. I am feeling the need to become more reclusive, to hide myself away and cut off contact with everything.

The funny thing is that this urge is brought on by the frustration of feeling a lack of connectivity with others. As if in insulted defense I push everything away as an excuse to why I feel so secluded even with others around. I know it is unhealthy to hold up inside my own head yet I can't help but have the desire none-the-less.

To correct my behavior I have acknowledge how I feel and that it is not a positive pattern of behavoir that I wish to support. The hard part is choosing a path less traveled instead of going down the well traveled path of my usual habit. This is often why people don't often seem to do anything with the advice of others. A friend of mine has made me aware of my lack of results which creates a need to actually listen to someone for once and actually show some results.

Torment

I grit my teeth as the walls shifted around me. My blood boiled and my fury overflowed. It felt as if the world were shaking as I let out roar from deep within.

I rushed out of the room bashing the door open with my fists on the way out. It splintered and my skin broke; blood dripped from them as I ran to the living room clawing the walls and tossing everything about needlessly. It did nothing to sooth the inferno raging inside me, I needed to destroy something more than mere items. I needed to hurt something; hurt something so bad that there would be no coming back from the damage inflicted. To destory something to it's very core; to make it feel my ire in full.

Then there was a knock at the door.



I imagine this is how those infected in 28days later might think if they were to think at all. Any human emotion left unchecked would truly be something to fear. It might be even worse if such thoughts were to occur while one was in the grip of unrelenting glee. To gain happiness from the pain is something I find disturbing.

The next ritual?

I hope you are all well, I am looking to perform another one of Saya's rituals and am up for suggestion. Keep in mind that a video can only be provided for a ritual that is heavily visual based. Once i get an acceptable suggest I will set a date and general time if there is not a definate time requirement.

The higher risk of the ritual the longer it will take me to be able to perform it as I refuse to use my own home in which my children sleep for the purpose of performing such things.

I will most likely not perform rituals that require self mutilation or inflict harm upon others as I have little interest in being malicious. Other than that, let me have it.

Body, Mind and Soul

A man walked down a street having a conversation with his two others.

1. "Why must we walk so far this is very tiring?!"
2. "We have places to be, you'll get your rest in due time"
3. "One paths leads to another, we must stay strong for the paths ahead"

1. "I am so hungry though, I must have food and drink, meat and potatoes with gravy..."
2. "We can eat once we have our tomes in hand, there is much to research and only so much light."
3. "There will always be time for if nothing else; we have time."

1. "What of a woman then I must have one by nights end."
2. "Should we really spend our time seeking to defile ourselves when there is so much knowledge to gain."
3. "Connecting with others can bring about surprising realizations and growth."

1. "You neglect me so well I have reached my end, the suffering is too much!"
2. "Foolish lump do not give out now, so much is at hand and within our grasp!"
3. "Perhaps in the next world we will better manage ourselves and be more fullfilled..."

The man fell to the ground and never got up again. To view the world from one perspective is to neglect others, within each of us is a variety of necessities that lead us to a satisfying end. Neglect not one for the other and manage ones existance to the fullest.

Craftian

The dead do not weep for the living as the living weep for the dead.

I found my self in a strange land, awoken from slumber by the rising sun. It was a lush, green place riddled with trees and mountanous hills in the distance. It seemed like a pleasant enough place though I could not truly discern a purpose in it. I could hear water trickling  nearby and moved to investigate. The sources was a clear blue stream spawning from a mountain and leading into a body of water that stretched on into the distance as far as I could see. The water was cool and gentle aside from the ripples created upon my intrusion.

I was quite surprised at how quickly the sun had crossed the land as it began to settle back into the earth. I turned away from it to see the moon rising in it's place and the stars looking down upon the land. I was new to this lands and knew not what to expect form day nor night. When I began to hear the low groaning from the darkened woods my curiousity turned to fright. A purpose now solidified within my being; Survival. I was not yet sure what was out there, but I was certain it was not in my best interest to find out.

I took flight in the direction opposite of which the noise had emanated. To my dismay a groans began to arrive from each direction that I took flight, till one of the things that created the sound was close enough to be visually defined. My God, it was as much monster as it had been man! What once had been living particle was not a rotting symphony of mechination from which no living thing might utilize for normal motion. Ichor dripped from it's maw and it gnashed as it's greyed orbs drank in my existance. I lost all composure and fled into the woods clawing at trees till I found myself hunkered down in between limbs.

I did not sleep for the rest of the night and hung on edge as one became many. The wave of ambling rotten vessels and a wafting of carrion odor cause me to lose my lunch and nearly my grip upon my natural safe haven. My strength had nearly given out as the sun began to rise and the corps of flesh moaned in horror as the rising light set them a flame. I nearly burned alive once the tree caught fire and had to dive off into a nearby tuft of grass and soil.

I laid there for a moment before my minds gears took hold once more and I rolled onto my feet. If I did not make good use of the day, I would surely be taken with the night. Those numerous unfortunate successors show this lesson upon their vessels and I knew I could no longer pity them for they held no mercy for me.

Zest

We have become a society that fears.

We have been told to fear our neighbors, told to fear nature, told to fear our transportation, told to fear the water we drink and the air that we breath, told to fear the light and told to fear the dark. Fear, what is fear? It is not unreasonable to get scared at times, but to be afraid all the time or to hold fear of something in your heart is a heavy burden.

I submit that we should all except the fact that things happen, people get hurt and die everyday every moment. If it is going to happen it will happen and fearing it will not stop it, as often we see in a horror film. Only by accepting our neighbors, nature, transportation, water, air, light, dark, etc. can we truly ever have said we lived. If I were to jump out of a plane tommorrow (to sky dive) and my parashoot does not deploy at least as I hit the ground I will know I have had lived.

Why should anyone sit around in their own head hidden away fromt he world existing in fear when living is such a simple thing. We just have to get up, go outside and go where our spirit carries us. We cannot stop the count down by hiding away from it, so why not enjoy the time we have.

So put fear aside and go out and live. The worst that can happen is you have a good time before the end.

Still kicking

I am still alive and existing.

I have now become the forefront of information for my peers and am eagerly utilized with little down time at work. When I leave the office I go directly to my boys and fathering till they are at rest and any time outside of that I am spending working out our new home.

I will try to return and continue on as I had before once my schedule eases up. I look forward to attempting more rituals and writing more in perhaps a months time.

Even if I were to suffer some unfortunate incident I imagine my spirit would be restless as I have little time for eternal slumber haha.

Complexity

The human being is complex, so much so that they cannot comprehend themselves much less others. To attempt to define one's self or another person is to limit them, placing them in a box and putting a label upon it. We should not seek to limit ourselves.

We can interpret what we can sense and past that we can only assume; assumption is a hazardous method. Would it not be simpler to live transparently? When a person is sad, they should be sad, when they are happy they should show it. Posturing and acting is what will have us all undone.

In the event that a person would find themselves in opposition in what they believe they should accept themselves rather than admonish. In the core of a person is their true path, interest and desires and to deny these is to live in turmoil. We as a people should accept that there is negativity along side positivity. Acceptance of ones self will aid in forward progress towards accepting one's right to be.

Permit yourself to feel and accept that you are what you are and that is ok. Do not over indulge however or give into delusions to hide parts of your true being.

It

It smiled, it made it appear that it smiled.
It felt nothing, It had no desire to feel.
It moved and talked and blended.
It was there, but only as a silent observer within itself.

It waited to not be.
It kept moving down a path, without aim.
It was bound by those around it to being.
It had a buffer to seperate it from others.

It slept without interest to wake.
It woke and automated till the next slumber.
It bore the weight of itself constantly.
It fell then got up and moved forward.

It stared with hollow eyes at the world.
It touched with deadened hands.
It heard with deaf ears.
It tasted in greys.

It was called man and bore the burden of being.