Monday, March 31, 2014


The shy bud timidly opened it's petals to peek at the sun. So impressed by it's brilliance, the young bud went full bloom without a second's thought. It basked in the gentle, warm embrace that shone down upon it.

The brittle surface of the land that had been barren to this point now displayed it's ambition. Soon these dead lands would have a kaleidoscope of lively colors in abundance. The pulse of life is quite formidable.

The remains of an ancient civilization was full of echos from the past and sat brooding. All that was in excess from now saw sat in disarray. That which stood at the core of existence had been forced to yield for a time, but no longer! This was a patient world, which gives it's all and holds love in it's heart for all of it's children.

Time can be harsh for a heavenly body, seeing many of it's beloved children come and go. It would always carry the fond memories first and for most; as it nurtures the new life that is awakening over the horizon.

The sun watched fondly as it's beloved held their children close. Each day giving it's all to provide what it could to make sure it's family was never cold, nor hungry. It had been dismayed when it's children parted ways and was now back in high spirits as it observed the blooming of it's precious bud.

Everyone did their part and all that were, were loved.

Friday, March 28, 2014


The blood fell like rain upon the untainted field. Those that worshiped scattered like leafs to the wind. The air now heavy with iron mist warmed the heart of the foreigner as he inverted the religious symbol before him.

"That which is done must be undone, dawn to dusk, then again tomorrow."

The work of the pious is never done and a man's hands must never lay restless. From one religion to the next they are all tied together in the power of Faith. Those that are truly faithful shall not falter for in them is great purpose. Those with great purpose are quite diligent.


What benefit is there is taking freely of that which is another's rightfully?

We are equipped with a set of morals. They may not align exactly but they are all loosely tied to the general core values of what it means to be human. When we go against our moral values we do damage to our own spirits. The only thing truly gained when taking something is guilt.

Guilt forms a pit in your stomach. It builds up and causes a churning. It is like a nauseating sickness where we can't sleep, can't eat and can't function in the carefree manner that we all should enjoy living. When you carelessly take something from someone and deprive them of their right to the very effort they put into that thing what you are really taking on is guilt rather than gain.

Essentially it is a poor, thoughtless thing to take from others. It is admitting a lack of ability and strength inherent in one's self. It is suggesting that a person can only exist as parasite, when symbiosis is the healthiest way to live.

There is so much a person loses out on by taking from others. Friendships, Relationships, Trust, Faith, etc. What is worth the exchange? What could possibly carry enough value to lose these priceless things? Why would anyone do that to them self?

I would say that I feel sad towards those that lose out while trying to hold onto the things others possess. I do not pity them nor am I disappointed. I simply feel sad that a fellow human has demoted them self and understand such beasts exist. I have nothing for them, because they are so wrapped up in themselves they can't notice that the people they take from are humans as well.

How sad it is to look at others and feel nothing, to not see that they to have needs and rights, to use one's effort to obtain something that is not of one's own making, when one could be creating something of their own which would bring about a sense of fulfillment.

Why tarnish the beauty of hard work, effort and the human spirit?

Wednesday, March 26, 2014


If happiness is something that one can cultivate from within themselves then joy is something that is born from sharing in this happiness with those around you.

When we allow our hearts to over flow into the world with sincerity that washes over those that surround us, we provide nourishment which begins a stirring of life. Though we as people can cultivate ourselves and grow, we display even greater progress and vibrancy when we taste of such nourishment. To make the world a place rich and fertile we must not stand alone.

When our friends, family or even acquaintances give honestly of themselves how can we avoid our hearts natural response. Our eyes tear up, a funny grin creeps across our face and uninhibited laughter springs forth. Even those living in the harshest of realities must have indulged in this at least. Why set a limit to it, why let those strong feelings go where we can see no wrong with the world?

Does it sound like a challenging thing? Don't worry it can be unbelievably simple to provide and enjoy. Giving of your time, sharing your thoughts and expressions and offering something freely without cause or reward require little energy.

Everyday should leave such an impact on the heart's of everyone and in doing so reflect on ours as well.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014


How much time has past since I fell asleep?

I feel like it hasn't been very long, but when I awoke the world was... strange. I can't quite put my finger on it. I think I'll check my phone for the time.

Great, it's dead. Stupid piece of junk! I'll just go into the kitchen and check the time on the microwave.

The power must be off, the lights won't come on and the microwave isn't showing the time. *Sigh* Now I'm up in the middle of the night with no power.

I am starting to freak out right now! I know what is strange, It's the silence... I'd expect to at least hear the wind outside.. I have no idea what's going on, but this is putting me on edge. I know! I'll go check the breaker upstairs. I'll grab a knife from the kitchen, just in case. Being in the dark and silence has me imagining things, I swear I think I hear something downstairs in my room...

I wish it had stayed quiet... I'm sure that I hear something. Something is moving around in my room!

I have hidden in the upstairs laundry room. I don't have any sort of light and It feels like the washer must have broken because the floor is wet. It's pitch black so I'm not too sure... The thing is still down there! I heard it go into the the kitchen... it is coming up the stairs! I hear it getting closer! I can't handle this! I'm going insane! What the hell does it want! What the hell is it! I'm gripping the knife so hard my hand is hurting. I'd rather die than let it get me...

I'm feeling very tired... I'm damp now and getting cold... It will be here soon... I know it... It won't get me now... I'm so relieved, I think I will take a nap...

How much time has past since I fell asleep?

I feel like it hasn't been very long, but when I awoke the world was...

Monday, March 24, 2014


I have decided to post a drawing from a few months ago. I have always enjoyed drawing/sketching as a hobby to pass the time or to express how I feel towards something. I usually only draw for 5 - 10 minutes and currently use mostly just a regular pen.

This image in particular was drawn while I was on a rather drawn out and frustrating call at work. It makes me smile when I think of the premise.

Thursday, March 20, 2014


I sleep but I do not dream.

I enjoy the reprieve. I use to despise it. Wasting time that could be spent active on oblivious rest. I now feel that I do not need to gain anything from sleep aside from the natural restoration it provides and avoiding it is hardly a preference.

I have dreamed before, some relating to the future which years or months later I live through. If I remember the dream I often change what was done in it. Perhaps the subconscious exists in a different manner than the active mind. I can suggest many theories to this, I might do so in a future post.

I've had nightmares, maybe 3. One as a child, I find it funny that I even feared what I had in the dream. Chased by Gremlins, the ones from the moving, those goody little things with bad habits.

I have had more serious nightmares, one in which I was at my parents home where I grew up. It was dark and I was the only one home. I was standing at the back of the living room and took notice of the recliner to my right. A large hand attached to a lanky arm extended out from beneath it. Once it had returned beneath, a large figure 9-10 feet tall stood straight up coming from the same space. It was highly improbable! The figure was of human shape and without feature, yet I could tell it was observing me. My breath hastened and I woke up with my breath in the same matter. I regret not having stayed to figure out what the creatures purpose was. It didn't truly seem to mean harm.

The last nightmare I adapted into a story in an earlier blog entry "Taboo", in which the figure is most certainly malicious.

The last form of dream I experience is one in which I am in constant conflict. I am on the run, while fighting back and being chased by a relentless enemy, often monstrous. I never feel that this is something to be afraid of and always wish to best it. I wake up with regret if the dream ends before I can do so, which is often the case. It seems the difference between nightmare and normal dreams can be control and feasibility.

Despite all this, most of my time asleep involves nothingness, I suppose since I accept the void, it accepts me as well.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Horror and Culture

Being a horror enthusiast from a young age I noticed something that altered my horror palate and perhaps made it a tad more refined. The difference between Western horror and Far Eastern horror.

There is a very distinct difference that takes fear to the next level. This is in relation to what is at risk or at stake for the victim.

In Western horror it makes you fear for your life, killers with their knifes and monsters looking to bring you to a sudden end or a slow painful one. It puts death right there in front of your eyes, this could be you! It is normal to fear death, it's instinctual to fight for your life. This is not the scariest thing that can happen however.

In Far Eastern horror you have to fear for your very soul. What you are up against is playing for keeps, there is no end in this torment, it has merely begun. You began a part of that which you fear and it doesn't end with you, no, these entities often never get full so to speak, they hunger ever more. Often the thing that is to be feared was once human and therefore has a good grasp one how to disturb us most in order to tenderize.

There is one thing from Western horror that comes close. H.P. Lovecraft. It is all in the waiting and in that your mind is at risk and your sanity at stake. Creatures that have been here long before we, they do not die, with time death would fall before the expanse of their existence. There is never a true victory when facing these horrors, only a temporary reprieve because they were and will be around longer than any of us and for our race, it is only a matter of time before they claim what is theirs.

You can often tell when a tale is adapted from the east to the west and this is a regular matter. The western culture is not as patient when it comes to a building horror. They want the quick thrills and jump scares. The best horror is subtle and builds to the point that you want to cover your eyes but can't.

I really need to get back into watching scary flicks :D


The human spirit. This abstract embodiment of what it means to exist as a human encompasses limitless strength.

The worst thing that can happen to someone is to have their spirit broken, yet it can not be broken without our consent. This means that no matter what hard ships that may come our way, if we never give in to despair and repression then it can never truly hold power over us. This goes with anything that is of an abstract nature be it fear, anger or self depreciation.

We must keep in mind however that being limited stretches the spirit thin and leaves ourselves open to the risk of a damaged spirit. If we only believe certain things to be true and hide from the possibilities it makes the possibilities that much more destructive. "Plan for the worst and hope for the best." This does not make you masochistic or a fatalist, just realistic and open minded. After all, if you have hope you can not live in despair at the same time.

Samurai were taught that every day they should consider their death. Be it burning, laceration, seppuku or any other possibility of demise. This is what enabled them to face death so easily, they faced it every day.

Consider the possibilities and strengthen your spirit. Even though life can be harsh, you will find that everything that can go wrong usually doesn't despite preparedness and that will already make the world that much brighter in contrast.

In truth, life is life and things happen, but the only reason something might be viewed in a negative fashion is due to outlook and considering it unthinkable or depressing. There is good in all things as there is bad, look closely, I'm sure you will see it. That is the balance of the world.

So do not neglect the spirit when strengthening the mind and body!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014


I am a fan of sayings. I feel that these are the western worlds Koans. Teaching us something with depth while saying very little.

I want to talk about the following sayings:

"Stop and Smell the roses"

These are quite significant and have even more of a meaning as we progress as a society of screen carrying individuals. Don't just look at a rose, stop and smell it! Take in life with every breath, don't let yourself miss out on anything! The world is full of beautiful things and we have 5 senses to take it all in with.

As babies we do so naturally, taking in stimulus from all around. Picking up everything and putting it in our mouths, without reservation. This is how we are naturally meant to observer the world in my opinion, so why do we limit ourselves to merely seeing most of the time? We miss out on so much sitting behind our TVs, Monitors, Tablets and Cell phones. I'm not saying to forsake technology, I'm only suggest setting it aside once and a while and enjoy the world around you.

Feel the wind and sun on your skin while you lay in the grass on a summer day. Listen to all the life around you as the birds chirp and caw, squirrels scamper about in trees and children play. Smell the fresh, crisp winters air. Taste the fruit grown and picked from a tree with your own hand. These are only a few in the multitude of experiences that exist all around us that we don't give a second thought and might take in without even considering.

"It's the little things that matter"

This can relate to the previously mentioned idea and also pertains to so much more. It's any little thing that can bring joy. Someone greeting you in the morning or holding the door. A firm hand shake. Honest laughter. A compliment. the color of someone's eyes. Think about it, do we even record the color of someone's eyes, do most of us even look someone in the eyes? Try it, Eyes are beautiful, they are called "The window to the soul" after all.

Little things can be gestures, abstract ideas, or anything really. Just a simple thing of minor note usually. Give them some thought and a little appreciation, The world would be different without them. If you do this, it will enhance your life all around. Let's think about it in terms of love, a love grows very strong when you take your time and enjoy everything little thing about the other person. At any age the idea of holding hands can be exciting if you allow it to have it's importance. If you love someone, try holding their hand even if you are already very intimate. I have no doubts they will appreciate it if you do. This is one of the first signs of affection and physical connection.

Here's one that I mentioned as part of the first one. Have it as a take away and give life your all!

"Life in every breath"


I haven't written poetry in a while so bear with me. This is to recant coming of age into brighter world.

This place is my coffin,
This place is my tomb,
To stay stagnant,
is surely my doom.

These people around me,
they fill me with gloom.

They whine, they complain,
They conspire, they disdain.
They'll take all things from you,
Even your name.

They think that a life,
is just a sick game.

I can't avoid it,
this place of mirth.
these people surround me,
this place is called earth.

Is this how it's fated?
From the time of my birth!

I despise them!
I hate them!

I'll avoid and negate them!

These were my thoughts
when I was young.
All of this hate
for everyone.

But what will it matter,
when my days are done?

Why should I give power
to something so wrong?
To such a bad feeling,
made constantly strong.

Is this really something,
that I secretly long?

They're not so bad,
There's hope here I see.
For this simple race,
of intelligent beasts.

I don't really hate them,
not in the least.

Because I am them and they are me.
We just want to live, be happy, and free.

Life is this simple if we just let it be.

Monday, March 17, 2014


I experiences something recently that reminded me of the fear I felt growing up.

I was visiting my parents home while they were away. The whole house has seen less use that previous years due to my parents having bought a second home to be closer to my sister and her newborn. There was a thin layer of dust covering everything in the house especially upstairs where my siblings and I had our rooms as kids.

Our rooms were nothing more than remnants of what they use to be, mere storage rooms or mostly empty since our departures.

I had spent most of my nights on the couch in the game room upstairs rather than sleeping in the top bunk of the bunk bed in my room, next to the window with the sliding door closet at my feet. I never truly felt safe in my room when the quiet of night set in. The game room had been my safe haven though even here I did not truly feel safe, with the overlook into the living room and double glass doors to the balcony.

Why exactly was I afraid of this place? Was it all of the windows and threats outside? Could it have been the bathroom mirrors which once a Ouija board had told me the devil awaited within? Perhaps it was due to the antiques that cluttered the house with unknown history surrounding them. I just feel like I'm being watched when I am there.

On this particular weekend I had brought the boys and was actively exploring the upstairs for anything that I could possibly give to them that was fun during my childhood. When I went into my sister's room to see what it's current state was in I found that there was a few scattered items, a TV on the floor with a DVD player atop it, an art portfolio and A chair upon which rested one of those dolls that crawls and turns it's head.

I was immediately distrusting of the doll and felt that the lay out of the room was mildly disturbing all together. The past of feeling of being watched all those years returned and my eyes moved to the sliding door closet which always remained slightly ajar. Miscellaneous items sat within the darkness of the closet but It felt like something waited just out of sight observing me somehow.

I took this as a sign that it was time to go and took the boys down stairs into the living room to load them up in their seats. In the living room stood a female mannequin with an uninterested expression facing forward. I had mistaken this mannequin for an intruder when I had first arrived and now it felt more like I was the one intruding upon it's peace.

Having finished the preparations for departure, I gather the boys and went to exit through the entry hall. At the bottom of the stairs sat a picture in which a young boy was kissing a equally young girl on the cheek. Despite the actions of the boy, the girl looked forward at the viewer expressionless. The eyes seemed to follow me as I moved past it and out the front door.

I made it to my car and departed without incident.

Of all the mounting terror of this visit, I found that turning out the lights in each area starting at the further most upstairs was the worst. It feels that the darkness was chasing me, licking at my heels, waiting for that last light so that it can make the move it has been waiting to make the whole time.


I enjoy reading a multitude of fear evoking tales. I find now, after having taken in many a story, that I have a taste for certain aspects of them that I wish to convey.

1. First person accounts - Terror taken first hand and conveyed as if it were being enacted again or currently. I wish to be immersed. The words to take a grip on the reader and pull them in, causing concern for not just the narrator but for ourselves. If narrated by that which should be feared then they way things are worded should be unsettling, the outlook on events.. disturbing.

2. Dark entities - It does not have to speak. If it does, then short and to the point or through elaborate messages that show a horrifying level of control or knowledge. Lurk just out of sight, create doubt while allowing the fear to set in. Leave just enough for the true terror of your reality to unravel slowly.

3. Setting - Any where is fine, no where is safe. Intimate is the best though, no one to help and no one to hear a scream. This place is the dark one's play ground and the characters are their play thing.

4. Human behavior - Humans can be extraordinary, but when it comes to fear and surviving people can be quite simple in how they would act. If they are deranged however, anything goes. Keep it simple till the madness sets in.

5. Time frame - No need to draw things out unless there is purpose in doing so. The darkness can be very patient, but let's assume the story takes place in a time that the darkness has already laid in wait.

6. Ending - Leave the reader with something to think about. Being inconclusive leaves the reader with something to think about, which is the truly horrifying thing. Darkness never really disappears.

I hope to review some well known stories soon in order to display what I feel gives the best impression.


I feel it may be good to disclose my method of posting in order to be understood why posting may appear spotty.

I usually type up an entry during a break at work in order to refresh myself and clear out any thoughts outside of the realm of what is required by my job. Last week I was for the most part out to another office and without a computer on which to post. When at home I do not often take the time to get onto my computer so I do not often post from home. I'm considering rethinking this.

I feel it is important that I maintain some form of stability in my life at a time when many uncertainties exist. Sanity, Clarity and Serenity are directly effected by expression or the lack there of, in my case.

It makes me happy to know that my thoughts may be interesting enough to be looked over by others, but that is not the point of this en devour. As with anything this is something that I must do for myself. Selfish though it may be, there is not much I can do for others if I care not for myself.

Despite that know that I sincerely appreciate anyone and every one's presence that may appear here.

You have my gratitude.