It's a special sort of feeling that is very close to the mental state known as happiness. The difference is that it has a physical presence.
There are different things that can trigger it: receiving a unexpected and kind act, meeting with someone you care for, experiencing a beautiful sight or actual warmth from the sun or other heat source.
I always remember when I would be at school early, sitting at a cafeteria table by myself. I would look up to see the familiar face of a friend coming over to join me. I recall that I couldn't help but form a stupid grin naturally as I would feel warmth in my chest. 'This person is here for me, as my friend, because they care and I matter to them'. Everyone deserves to have this, especially children.
I can't imagine a life without warmth, to live in a world of cold. We should all share our warmth, give our friends and family stupid grins and make their heart skip a beat. It's the greatest and most sincere gift.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Capability
I don't know what I can do till I try. Usually I would fall into a slump of doing only what is required of me, it's an easy life. The problem with the easy life is that it is unbelievable dull. Nothing bad happens, but nothing really good happens either. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained".
It feels great to create personal growth by pushing my boundaries; becoming wiser, smarter, strong and more well versed. It's great when I am doing it as a personal goal. When I am required to push our boundaries and comfort zone it feels like more of a hassle. I have little interest in doing my best because I'm told to do so, it cheapens the whole thing. If they had let it be I would have done so anyway.
Not that I don't like to be my best for others for their sake, just not as a mandatory requirement. Effort is best served incentive and willingness.
I have always admired the Japanese culture for many of their cultural mentalities. One of these being that anything a person does should to be done with perfecting it in mind. Everything we do has an effect on the world around us and the world around us has an effect on us. If we give a bare minimum output to the world then we can't expect much of a return from the world or for ourselves.
It feels great to create personal growth by pushing my boundaries; becoming wiser, smarter, strong and more well versed. It's great when I am doing it as a personal goal. When I am required to push our boundaries and comfort zone it feels like more of a hassle. I have little interest in doing my best because I'm told to do so, it cheapens the whole thing. If they had let it be I would have done so anyway.
Not that I don't like to be my best for others for their sake, just not as a mandatory requirement. Effort is best served incentive and willingness.
I have always admired the Japanese culture for many of their cultural mentalities. One of these being that anything a person does should to be done with perfecting it in mind. Everything we do has an effect on the world around us and the world around us has an effect on us. If we give a bare minimum output to the world then we can't expect much of a return from the world or for ourselves.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Building
I am going to build a Desktop computer on a budget of $600.00. It's been a good many years since last I put together a PC of my own. I am very excited!
I will update this with a component list.
Technology always intrigues me and rate at which it grows is astounding. Imagine what kind of technology would be present if companies weren't holding out. This may not be the case but I have a feeling that there is the possibility of much greater technology out there. The only thing that prevents it from being here today is business.
Business has always stood in opposition of progress or great progress rather. Business likes to maximize profits while minimizing expenses. As long as they can make money off of their current product why would they put money into creating a better product and paying to produce it? Business shuns great leaps of forward progress, they will do anything to halt this possibility. People like Nikola Tesla disappear.
An example of a relevant business is Apple. You can buy a computer from there and you can pay them to upgrade it and you can pay them for their unique everything. They are against those that would build their own systems. If we just let someone do everything for us, they essentially rule us. This is why I do not like to hand my money to Apple.
A person is entitled to their hard work and effort and should reap the benefit of it. They should not get comfortable in their current status and lean on status quo. If we stop moving forward then we become meaningless, merely existing to exist another, never truly living or adding value in any way. Never give in fully to being a consumer. If someone gives you a fish, you may never learn to fish. If you learn to fish your do not have to depend on someone else to live and their for ruled by no one.
I will update this with a component list.
Technology always intrigues me and rate at which it grows is astounding. Imagine what kind of technology would be present if companies weren't holding out. This may not be the case but I have a feeling that there is the possibility of much greater technology out there. The only thing that prevents it from being here today is business.
Business has always stood in opposition of progress or great progress rather. Business likes to maximize profits while minimizing expenses. As long as they can make money off of their current product why would they put money into creating a better product and paying to produce it? Business shuns great leaps of forward progress, they will do anything to halt this possibility. People like Nikola Tesla disappear.
An example of a relevant business is Apple. You can buy a computer from there and you can pay them to upgrade it and you can pay them for their unique everything. They are against those that would build their own systems. If we just let someone do everything for us, they essentially rule us. This is why I do not like to hand my money to Apple.
A person is entitled to their hard work and effort and should reap the benefit of it. They should not get comfortable in their current status and lean on status quo. If we stop moving forward then we become meaningless, merely existing to exist another, never truly living or adding value in any way. Never give in fully to being a consumer. If someone gives you a fish, you may never learn to fish. If you learn to fish your do not have to depend on someone else to live and their for ruled by no one.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Wonderland
There is some mysticism in these winter times. Something that lightens our hearts to match the snow. It's as if heaven descends to earth and with it is peace of mind.
It first started with a fine snowy flurry that resembled mist or dust flowing about in a dance of it's own across the road ways. Later in the day it picked up to easily visible snow floating to the ground piling up and making everything brighter despite the lack of sun. I helped a neighbor with some burden some lifting and ended up with new shelving!
As nice as it is outside with the frosted world, the warms of a blanket and warm bed is irresistible. I imagine that this is due to matching a memory in the mind of when I was in the womb; warm and safe, no worries.
I will have to build and throw at least one snow ball while the materials are available. One day I will have to pick up a snow board or some skis. So much to do, so much to look forward to!
It first started with a fine snowy flurry that resembled mist or dust flowing about in a dance of it's own across the road ways. Later in the day it picked up to easily visible snow floating to the ground piling up and making everything brighter despite the lack of sun. I helped a neighbor with some burden some lifting and ended up with new shelving!
As nice as it is outside with the frosted world, the warms of a blanket and warm bed is irresistible. I imagine that this is due to matching a memory in the mind of when I was in the womb; warm and safe, no worries.
I will have to build and throw at least one snow ball while the materials are available. One day I will have to pick up a snow board or some skis. So much to do, so much to look forward to!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Attack on Titan
I have heard it mentioned numerous times which is usually enough to cause me to ignore something entirely. I don't generally like hyped or mainstream things due to their appeals rising from simpler things such as action or effects rather than plot, story or character development.
I like Attack on Titan. It get's the blood flowing, has characters you want to root for and a story that you want to unravel. I did not come in prepared to lose certain characters. This is something I can appreciate though, the loss is real because we become attached to them. We want them to reach their dreams and have their goals met. They win us over and our hearts rise and fall with them. It's realistic this way.
I would like to see a next gen game to match the anime. The likes of Monster Hunter or God Eater Burst. It has everything it needs to create that feeling of epic battle. I plan on doing some fan art when I find time to spare and hope to capture the emotion of the character I became very attached to as it inspired me.
It's great to see such a potent new anime, this could surely spark a fire in the community that creates an opportunity to see more great anime work.
I like Attack on Titan. It get's the blood flowing, has characters you want to root for and a story that you want to unravel. I did not come in prepared to lose certain characters. This is something I can appreciate though, the loss is real because we become attached to them. We want them to reach their dreams and have their goals met. They win us over and our hearts rise and fall with them. It's realistic this way.
I would like to see a next gen game to match the anime. The likes of Monster Hunter or God Eater Burst. It has everything it needs to create that feeling of epic battle. I plan on doing some fan art when I find time to spare and hope to capture the emotion of the character I became very attached to as it inspired me.
It's great to see such a potent new anime, this could surely spark a fire in the community that creates an opportunity to see more great anime work.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Terrified
Fear is strongest when you don't know what's going on or how to handle it. It's being helpless.
Fear for one's life is effective fearing for the life of a loved one is overpowering. My ten month old son who has only ever suffered a cold began vomiting repeatedly last night. The first time, I though maybe the solids I just gave him didn't sit well and that would be it. It wasn't. I was holding him and again he expelled his stomach contents. At this point it became more frequent and repetitious.
It's tough handling something you did not see coming. It's that much tougher when your sick child has a twin sibling that you also have to take care of at the same time. While holding my A (my sick child), O (A's twin brother) wanted attention too. There was only one way I could hold A that wouldn't cause him to throw up and I had to keep O out of the mess.
I temporarily put O in a pack and play which he was not happy with while trying everything I could think of to make A ok. He wouldn't take fluids so after an hour and a half of trying things, I decide to head to the ER. It can be difficult to get twins from place to place, even harder when one is sick and the other does not want to cooperate. I was able to appease O with a bottle and settle A in comfortably enough that only vomited once.
The pure panic and fear of the whole thing to this point is indescribable. Thankfully, A was seen quickly at the ER and was even cheerful and playful while there. A was given something to ease his stomach and he took fluids at this point. There was no fever or signs of any other issue so we were released. He has been taking his fluids and seems to be fine now.
I definitely felt some strain on my heart from this whole event.
Fear for one's life is effective fearing for the life of a loved one is overpowering. My ten month old son who has only ever suffered a cold began vomiting repeatedly last night. The first time, I though maybe the solids I just gave him didn't sit well and that would be it. It wasn't. I was holding him and again he expelled his stomach contents. At this point it became more frequent and repetitious.
It's tough handling something you did not see coming. It's that much tougher when your sick child has a twin sibling that you also have to take care of at the same time. While holding my A (my sick child), O (A's twin brother) wanted attention too. There was only one way I could hold A that wouldn't cause him to throw up and I had to keep O out of the mess.
I temporarily put O in a pack and play which he was not happy with while trying everything I could think of to make A ok. He wouldn't take fluids so after an hour and a half of trying things, I decide to head to the ER. It can be difficult to get twins from place to place, even harder when one is sick and the other does not want to cooperate. I was able to appease O with a bottle and settle A in comfortably enough that only vomited once.
The pure panic and fear of the whole thing to this point is indescribable. Thankfully, A was seen quickly at the ER and was even cheerful and playful while there. A was given something to ease his stomach and he took fluids at this point. There was no fever or signs of any other issue so we were released. He has been taking his fluids and seems to be fine now.
I definitely felt some strain on my heart from this whole event.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Frustration
Why are people so quick to judge and slow to investigate.
It would be nice to be seen as innocent till proven guilty, but that is not the case. When someone may have to take responsibility why would they expend so much effort to divert it. There is nothing to gain in hiding from your faults and pretending to be perfect.
I am aware that I am not perfect and this is a very soothing notion. I do not have to try to be perfect. I only need to do everything I can and live up to my own code.
Yesterday I was seething. People who I had not seen in a week speaking poorly of me based on nothing but hear say of others who have nothing better to do than gossip and make problems for others. I feel this article expresses what is going on very well http://worldlydelights.blogspot.com/2014/02/envy-by-bertrand-russell.html.
I would like to think that I am a capable individual. That being said I cannot read minds and being proactive still requires some form of information. How can someone have expectations when they provide no information what so ever. The world is coming in direct conflict with my enlightenment or perhaps it is I that should not allow these things to weigh me down.
I must seek to still my waters, for my health, sanity and general well being. The only one that can truly effect my mental state is me, I mustn't forget that.
It would be nice to be seen as innocent till proven guilty, but that is not the case. When someone may have to take responsibility why would they expend so much effort to divert it. There is nothing to gain in hiding from your faults and pretending to be perfect.
I am aware that I am not perfect and this is a very soothing notion. I do not have to try to be perfect. I only need to do everything I can and live up to my own code.
Yesterday I was seething. People who I had not seen in a week speaking poorly of me based on nothing but hear say of others who have nothing better to do than gossip and make problems for others. I feel this article expresses what is going on very well http://worldlydelights.blogspot.com/2014/02/envy-by-bertrand-russell.html.
I would like to think that I am a capable individual. That being said I cannot read minds and being proactive still requires some form of information. How can someone have expectations when they provide no information what so ever. The world is coming in direct conflict with my enlightenment or perhaps it is I that should not allow these things to weigh me down.
I must seek to still my waters, for my health, sanity and general well being. The only one that can truly effect my mental state is me, I mustn't forget that.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Cultivate
The world is a garden. People are like vegetation. We need warmth, nourishment and to be maintained.
We should strive to blossom year after year, through all seasons and conditions. We should also aim for those around us to Bloom as well. The world does not need to be a barren waste land around us; It should be an endless field of life and vibrancy.
If we take all the nourishment around us, those near us will wilt. If we take all the sun for ourselves to shoot up towards the sky are we not weeds? What would be the meaning in going full bloom if we leave the world around us a desert?
We must cultivate. Share your nourishment to help others grow, not just healthy but also with purpose and well shaped. Let the sun shine all around and not just upon yourself. Everyone needs to be acknowledged and to be shown they are important and have value. Bring up those around you so that the world as a whole is more beautiful and full of delight.
Never forget that those around you are just like you but may not have had such a fertile base, maybe they just need a little watering and tending to help take away some of what holds them down and prevents them from reaching their full potential.
Do what you can, within reason, that's all that anyone can ask. It doesn't take much to cultivate; You just have to be consistent.
We should strive to blossom year after year, through all seasons and conditions. We should also aim for those around us to Bloom as well. The world does not need to be a barren waste land around us; It should be an endless field of life and vibrancy.
If we take all the nourishment around us, those near us will wilt. If we take all the sun for ourselves to shoot up towards the sky are we not weeds? What would be the meaning in going full bloom if we leave the world around us a desert?
We must cultivate. Share your nourishment to help others grow, not just healthy but also with purpose and well shaped. Let the sun shine all around and not just upon yourself. Everyone needs to be acknowledged and to be shown they are important and have value. Bring up those around you so that the world as a whole is more beautiful and full of delight.
Never forget that those around you are just like you but may not have had such a fertile base, maybe they just need a little watering and tending to help take away some of what holds them down and prevents them from reaching their full potential.
Do what you can, within reason, that's all that anyone can ask. It doesn't take much to cultivate; You just have to be consistent.
Duality
I must accept that I am yin and yang.
Some days I wake up with the desire to destroy everything in sight, start a fire that engulfs the world and watch as everything smolders to ash. I have the urge to tear down everything put in place despite safety or necessity. I even yearn for the demise of those around me, regardless of any other sentiments. All of it with a twisted grin.
Does this make me a horrible monster, these dark and vivid thoughts? I do not think so. We all have a beast within trying to tear it's way out into the world. If I were to leave myself unchecked and do as I please then perhaps I would be a monster. Everything is in actuality. The things that I do matters, not the things that I see in my head. I have to remember this even at the most stressful of times.
Generally I want the world to flourish, those around me to be successful and to bask in positivity. These things bring me joy and I'd like to say that's all there is to me. I cannot deny my faults or flaws, to do so would make me unable to improve upon them and better myself. The more I deny myself the stronger my dark urges become. I must embrace the dark and the light.
I should not seek to destroy the beast. I should tame it.
Some days I wake up with the desire to destroy everything in sight, start a fire that engulfs the world and watch as everything smolders to ash. I have the urge to tear down everything put in place despite safety or necessity. I even yearn for the demise of those around me, regardless of any other sentiments. All of it with a twisted grin.
Does this make me a horrible monster, these dark and vivid thoughts? I do not think so. We all have a beast within trying to tear it's way out into the world. If I were to leave myself unchecked and do as I please then perhaps I would be a monster. Everything is in actuality. The things that I do matters, not the things that I see in my head. I have to remember this even at the most stressful of times.
Generally I want the world to flourish, those around me to be successful and to bask in positivity. These things bring me joy and I'd like to say that's all there is to me. I cannot deny my faults or flaws, to do so would make me unable to improve upon them and better myself. The more I deny myself the stronger my dark urges become. I must embrace the dark and the light.
I should not seek to destroy the beast. I should tame it.
Uncertanty
I feel the weight of doubt heavily upon myself. I am not sure if I was born with this feeling or it is something that was instilled within me. A fear of failure so great that I am afraid to try something new if there is something at stake.
I know in my mind that this fear is unreasonable. I am a capable individual and I can do most things adequately or better when I apply the proper effort, yet I still have no faith in myself till I have already succeeded. The only way I know to fight this is to go against the nagging fears and move forward.
If I remain still for too long I will become stagnant and I will never reach my goals if I do not keep moving.
The other side of this is that risk is exhilarating. The rush of danger is extremely exciting and enticing so much so that I would risk it all for the greatest thrills. I yearn for the possibility of great achievement with my life on the line and that is also not a very healthy thing.
When I hold back in one aspect I desire the direct opposite which is not to my benefit. I must seek balance if I wish to feel that my life is fulfilling. I should not hide away in a cave to save myself but I should also avoid jumping off ledges for thrills.
Do not throw away one part of yourself for another, accept everything that is you and find balance within.
I know in my mind that this fear is unreasonable. I am a capable individual and I can do most things adequately or better when I apply the proper effort, yet I still have no faith in myself till I have already succeeded. The only way I know to fight this is to go against the nagging fears and move forward.
If I remain still for too long I will become stagnant and I will never reach my goals if I do not keep moving.
The other side of this is that risk is exhilarating. The rush of danger is extremely exciting and enticing so much so that I would risk it all for the greatest thrills. I yearn for the possibility of great achievement with my life on the line and that is also not a very healthy thing.
When I hold back in one aspect I desire the direct opposite which is not to my benefit. I must seek balance if I wish to feel that my life is fulfilling. I should not hide away in a cave to save myself but I should also avoid jumping off ledges for thrills.
Do not throw away one part of yourself for another, accept everything that is you and find balance within.
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